Mahout: The Keeper of Driver of an Elephant

I've been remiss, redundant, recalcitrant! Okay, maybe not redundant. But remiss, yes definitely.

Sadly there's no fantastic story to tell as to why. I haven't been vacationing in Zimbabwe or immersing myself in Portguese. I did manage to raise a million or so at our annual gala and also gave A. a black eye on Easter. Poor guy. I was billowing out the blankets just as he was sitting up and I put my elbow directly into his eye socket. You know how they talk about a sickening thud? Yeah, that was the sound it made.

And I've been working hard on my next story. I've finally wrapped my brain around the Uzbekistani mahout so now I just gotta get him to do what I want him to do. But he's turning out to be awfully stubborn. I've named him Ramil.

Photo: Mary Ellen Mark

Prostitutes and Political Wives

I'm not at all surpised that Eliot Spitzer was caught in a prostitution scandal. I barely even blinked. What surprises me now and has always done so, is that his wife STOOD BY HIS SIDE. We've seen it time and time again. There he is, making his "heartfelt" apology, and there she is, wearing the conservatve suit, sometimes even holding his hand. I can't help but think her insides must be ripped to shreds. Her life, dignity, marriage have just gone to crap and yet, she still stands there and supports him. I suppose some must think its admirable, but I find it just a little bit disgusting.

Macarons and Mutual Funds

They say that each person has a limited quantity of self control. Ie you may not buy the stupidly expensive but guaranteed to make you feel fabulous shoes, but that same day, you'll probably go ahead and eat the fries. To that end, I've finally set aside enough to buy some international blue chip mutual funds (hello diversification) but those macarons, well, they didn't stand a chance.

To pick up some practically perfect, proper French macarons, try Paulette's on Beverly Drive and Charleville.

http://www.paulettemacarons.com/

Drivin a semi through the plot-holes

How is it that Hayden Christensen can star in both Shattered Glass (fantastic, amazing, go rent it now if you've not seen it movie) and Jumper
(one of the worst movies, oh, ever)? This confuses me and makes me sad for him.

But She Didn't

Los Angeles

Little man and the girl were out walking. The police slid round the corner easy and slow. That street kid got caught off guard. Copper blinded him so bright that kid couldn't see nothin for days. Just shrugged his shoulders up real tight and looked at the ground. Hoped it all'd go away.

The girl just stared. No business with a girl like that in a neighborhood like this. Sides there were more kids on the next block and them coppers had an itch to look in the eyes of each one that night.

The girl went home. Shoulda said something, she thought. But she didn't.

I got pissed on today

I was all set to write a lovely dovey, oh so happy post. Little man and I had just gotten abck from a glorious walk. It wa finalyl warm and breezy outside and there was honeysuckle in the air. Just brilliant.

Then I got back inside and had to call the customer service department of So Cal Gas Company. They like to take my money, but they don't like to credit me for it. Bastards. And then LITTLE MAN PEED ON MY FOOT. Lifted his leg and pissed right in my sneaker. Double bastard.

My Best Dixie Carter Impression

So I went to go buy a new ball gown because my old one no longer fits. See the lemon curd post. I found a LOVELY one in BCBG, half-off. Sha-zaam. Then I saw another one that was the most gorgeous color of blue green. I tried it on.

The salesman said to me "I was afraid of that. See how it accentuates your hips."

Excuse. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

"See, it accentuates your hips." He says it again. 20 year old piece of ....

Because the thing is, I have hips. Boy, do I ever. But I in no way feel the need to HIDE them. I have hips. Hello, I'm a WOMAN. We have hips.

I told the 20 year old as much, doing my best Dixie Carter I told him that women have hips and they should never be told to hide them and he should be ashamed of himself for saying so to me or anyone else.

He said, "I just want you to look your best."

My best I say, includes hips.

I hate him. I don't think he cares.